Sweet People

Wow, yesterday this really sweet kid (okay young man) came into work to ask about buying flowers for his roommate because her boss's mother had died and he was worried she (the roommate) was upset. So dear it almost broke my heart.

Gotta go. Check out Franklin's site. Bless him, he figured out my latest techno-batty problem this weekend so my computer at home is functional again. He helps many, many people.

November Manners

Don't you dare forget to pick up the Iowa Source, available all over Eastern Iowa for FREE. Also avaliable online at www.iowasource.com. Alternative views for alternative lifestyles.

Dear Meg,

I'm traveling to New Hampshire to spend Thanksgiving with my sister, her husband and his entire family. I'm happy to be invited and usually have a pretty good time but every year my sister seats me next to her mother-in-law and the woman wears so much perfume I can hardly breathe much less eat my dinner. I know it would be impolite to say anything, her mother-in-law is, like, 94 so I'm sure she has no clue about odorous she is. Can I ask my sister to make someone else sit next to her?

Burford

Dear Burford,

In a word - no. Nice try but since you've admitted that sitting next to your sister's mother-in-law causes you both respiratory and dining difficulties, you can't really attempt to pass the unpleasantness buck onto someone else. What you can do, however, is ask your sister to speak to her husband's mother. As the host it is her responsibility to make her guests comfortable. She might consider telling her mother-in-law how much she likes her perfume but sometimes she feels almost "outdone" in her own home. Ten to one the old bird will catch on immediately, show up for dinner perfume-free and you will be in for the best Thanksgiving you've had in years - conversation-wise. Let me know how it goes.

Love,

Meg

Dear Meg,

One of my best girl friends just got out of a relationship with a man who lied to her repeatedly. I think the guy is a borderline sociopath and that she should try to get back at him but she insists on being all forgiving and everything. She says if she doesn't just detach and focus on herself she will go nuts so it's mostly self preservation on her part. What do you think about this?

Conchita

Dear Conchita,

I think you are better off letting your friend worry about her own relationships while you focus on you. Personally, I can't stand it when someone I care about gets hurt or is treated unfairly but unless they ask me to do something on their behalf I have to remind myself that the burden is, in fact, not mine but theirs. The best thing you can do is offer to comfort your friend and advise her to steer clear of the man in question. Let me also say that retaliation is just plain wrong, pretty rude and will ultimately make any decent person feel more than a little rotten about themselves.

A woman I care deeply about once had a man tell her he had had a vasectomy but "he didn't know if it had taken." The poor dear had no idea this was one of the oldest lines in the book for guys who just don't want to practice safe sex. Like you, I was incredulous on her behalf but I had to remind her that trust was a relative concept, people can and do let you down and she had better learn to protect herself in the future. Meanwhile, I secretly hoped the Buddhists were correct in their idea of hell being a rather long journey in the afterlife. I was thinking something along the lines the representation in "Jacob's Ladder", Adrian Lyne's film adaptation of Bruce Joel Rubin's screenplay interpretation of The Tibetan Book of the Dead.

It's a good thing ones manners are not judged based on what we occasionally think, no? It's wonderful you care so much for your friend. The most caring thing you can do is respect her wishes on this. It sounds as if she's got a good handle of what she needs. I suggest you follow her lead.

Love,

Meg

Rosa, Rosa...

Rosa, Rosa..... wishing you a sweet passage into the greatest of mysteries (leaving shoes and cares behind.)

Thank you for saying "No, I've had enough." You left this ol' world so much better than you found it.

Corporate Test Dummy?

Jeez, has it really been almost 20 days since I posted here? Times flies I suppose when you are having something that might resemble fun to a person who has been locked in a closet for a year or five. Okay, guilty! I'm exagerrating although I have been in a bit of a funk. As much as I love Fall, the thought of another grim, dark Iowa winter has me feeling rather down. I always forget that as it begins to get cold and grey, I just want to sleep and eat and have almost no interest in leaving my apartment. It's just too cold and I'm just not that tough. I'll make it through, I always do.

So what gives? Did I really hear some screwball story on NPR today about a plan to corporately finance the national park systems? That there is a possibility of naming trails in for instance, the Grand Canyon, after corporate sponsors? Laudy, laudy! "Ride your rented mule down Dow Chemical Trail to see the lovely river we once set on fire. Sign up right here." My God the world is getting more and more absurd. Okay, I think it may have been the Snake River and I'm not certain it was Dow Chemical but you get my point.

Modern technology continues to baffle me. I was at the grocery store last night and they had a new water refill machine which for the life of me I could not figure out how to use. I finally had to go to the deli and beg for help. This is a life long problem. When I was a child and Coke came out with a new dispensing machine, the first time I encountered one I couldn't figure out why the Coke machine didn't offer Coke anymore but did offer 5 other types of soft drinks. What they had done was make the button for Coke about 20 times larger than the one for the other drinks so I thought that button was actually just a part of the advertising for coca-a-cola products. It never occured to me that they'd make a button so big. I guess I wasn't the only confused soda swiller on the block since that model of machine didn't stick around for very long. Be interesting to see how long the new water refill contraptions last.

Hhhhmm ..... new career possibility for me? Corporate test dummy? Would I get a trail named after me in Joshua Tree?

The Didion book is heart-breaking. Almost finished. I can't read this one too quickly because it's just too hard. I hate to say it but I almost feel as if she wrote it too soon. I hope she revisits her grieving process in another book or article in a few years - so much changes and we learn so much. Ultimately, this doesn't matter one bit. If the process of writing and publishing the book helped her recover from the deaths of her husband and daughter within 2 months of each other, I'm glad she did it and despite it's subject matter, at times the book is almost a joyful read.

c megdoeswords

The Letter Y and The Veil

I am almost finished with The Black Veil and damnit I'm starting the like the thing, or more to the point, I'm starting to like Rick Moody more and more. In that one of the measure's of whether or not a book is decently written is if you care about it's characters enough to judge them one way or the other, I'll have to revoke my original assessment of the book as being poorly written.

The passage in the book when he decides to start wearing a veil himself and the subsequent first journey to Walmart (where he considers asking a sales clerk in which aisle one might browse if they were in the market for a soul) is heart-breakingly funny. I keep thinking about my plan 2 years ago to change my last name to the letter "Y". How I had convinced so many of my writer/artist friends of what a "cool" idea it was. I had a little group show at a public art space in town and put up a piece under the name of "meg y". Man, no wonder I didn't get much feedback on the thing. People probably didn't even know I had done it. I had also tried to subscribe to a couple of magazines as Meg Y but they all came back saying they could not process my order without my complete "information." At least Moody, had the sense not to wear his veil out to dinner. Well, not that he admitted in print anyway - wry smile.

Oh dear.


c - megdoeswords

Yep, It Was Eugenides

I'm sure I'm just as obvious to other people sometimes but I swear I was just saying to my friend, Ann, the other day that I was pretty certain that Rick Moody had to have been refering to Jeffrey Eugenides in his memoir in his passage about his post-college road trip to San Francisco because twice he called him Jeff, the budding novelist . I couldn't help but check to see if I was right. Sure enough Eugenides is from Detroit (where the road trip begins) and graduated from Brown in 1983 (as did Moody.) Hey, most of us have done this sort of thing and a good number of us will probably do it again.

Laura, stop laughing!!

BTW, The Black Veil is getting worse. The way he's talking about his fellow patients in the psych ward and treatment is just awful. I mean no empathy at all. I keep praying he's going to surprise me. I'll keep you posted.

Clearly, I need to spend more time working on my own work.

Can't wait to read Joan Didion's new book, The Year of Magical Thinking. It hits bookstores manana (I'm third in line on the hold list at the library - god bless 'em.)

Meg's October Manners

Don't forget to pick up your FREE copy of the October issue of The Source. Check your local bookseller, coffee shop, grocer, museum, etc. or go online to www.iowasource.com.

Dear Meg,

Every year my husband and I go to his company's annual Halloween party. Every year he insists we wear the same 'ol lame costumes as the previous year. He goes as a forest ranger and I dress up as tree on fire. He brings along this old garden hose and makes me run around threatening to set others on fire while he plays the big hero saving all the other guests from me. Nobody thinks its funny. It's almost heart-breaking. I'm embarrassed for him and me. Even the owner of the company and her husband do edgier stuff. Last year they dressed up as Tiny Tim and Miss Vicki. Another couple came as Ruth Carter Stapleton and Larry Flynt. It was hilarious. Should I speak up and risk hurting his feelings.

Helen

Dear Helen,

Well, yes, speak up, of course. I'm not clear on why you think this would hurt his feelings. If stating such a simple request would prove problematic, may I suggest you dress up as Pet Rock # 1 and Pet Rock # 2, if you get my drift? There is nothing inherently "lame" about dressing up as a forest ranger, BTW. That's a pretty cool occupation. It's not only cool, it's honorable, as is any occupation that protects the environment. It does sound as if your poor husband has gotten himself into a bit of a rut and I understand why you wouldn't want to spend an entire evening running around pretending to be someone everyone else is supposed to be afraid of. If that's what you want, I suggest you try my SLA Patty Hearst w/ faux machine gun routine. I thought it was a riot but people on the street, in the nightclubs and at Denny's were definitely afraid of me. Oh well, it was 1978 and it was the south. I shouldn't have expected much else.

The most important thing, as always, is that you keep your husband's feelings in mind when you bring the subject up but, in this case, please don't be afraid to state your case. Point out to him how much you've admired his co-worker's get-up's and how impressed you were with their creativity.Let him know how much you love and admire him. I would tell him how it makes you feel posing as a threat to others year after year and suggest to him you feel as if you are in a rut. Never hurts to take the hit in order to attempt to get someone else to take a hint.

If none of this works, maybe you could suggest a role reversal? At the very least it would probably be a tad bit better to be the one playing the great protector for a change - chasing the burning tree around with that old garden hose. I'll bet his co-workers would find that pretty funny.

Best of luck,

Meg


Dear Meg,

I just had my first book published. My agent told me I'm not really up to snuff for any kind of visual publicity campaign, so we're sticking to radio. I'm doing all these AM radio talk shows from the convenience of my living room. I consider myself a fairly well-mannered woman but some of the stuff these radio people are saying to me are really over the top. I'm on sabbatical right now but I've got 3 more weeks of this starting in mid-October. Any advice?

Nina

Dear Nina,

I have a friend was once in exactly the same situation. She adopted a coping mechanism she picked up in junior high school which was that she essentially agreed with everything being said to her. For instance, if someone tells you might get more guys or sell more books if you spent more time on your appearance, just agree. Tell them you think spending three hours applying make-up, spraying and back-combing your hair and agonizing over outfits every morning would be a wonderful use of your time. You could toss in a quote like this one from shop owner, Truvy Jones (aka Dolly Parton) in Robert Harling's sentimental chickfest Steel Magnolias - "There's no such thing as natural beauty." Hopefully, a full read of this month's issue will do much to counter that silly notion.

Just toy with them, Nina, and keep your cool. You're the one who is selling a book and the better you come off the more books you are likely to sell. I know it's hard but, keep in mind, that taking the high road (darn it!) does usually pay off. I'm looking forward to reading your book. Keep your chin up.

Meg

You Owe It To Yourselves......

In all seriousness, if you have not checked out the link on my blog to "Defenseless Ephemera", you really must. Don't miss the weekly updates.

Excerpt from Conversation Yesterday at Work

Meg: Hey XXXX did you hear about Tom DeLay?

XXXX: Tom DeLay was framed.

No comment.

Not Just "America, America, America.....

"He said it was an honor to receive it without having to work hard and study". (do people get how funny this man is?)

PISCATAWAY, N.J. - The Dalai Lama told 36,000 people at Rutgers Stadium that the concept of war was outdated and young people have a responsibility to make this century one of peace.


"This whole planet is just us," the 70-year-old exiled monk said Sunday. "Therefore, destruction of another area essentially is destruction of yourself."

Tibet's spiritual leader also urged the audience to develop a wider world perspective, not just focus on "America, America, America."

"His quiet mind is the kind of serenity New Jersey, home of strip malls, could use," Arielle Gomberg said.

The speech was the largest nonathletic event in Rutgers history, topping visits by former President Clinton and former U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno.

A row of monks, wearing traditional gold and maroon, sat near the stage on blankets, pillows or mats spread across the 10- and 20-yard lines on the football field.

The Dalai Lama, who won the 1989 Nobel peace prize, accepted an honorary degree from Rutgers President Richard McCormick. He said it was an honor to receive it without having to work hard and study.

In his lecture, "Peace, War and Reconciliation," the Dalai Lama said society's dream should be a world free of nuclear and biological weapons.

He noted their danger — and their expense, saying some African states have an abundance of weapons, but not enough food.

Also Sunday, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg gave the Dalai Lama the key to the city, calling him "a moral beacon to millions around the world, with a clear and constant voice for human rights."

The Dalai Lama fled Tibet in 1959 following an aborted uprising against Chinese rule in the territory and now keeps an office in exile in the Himalayan town of Dharmsala, India.

Excerpt from Saturday Night Phone Conversation

Laura: Oh yeah, I sent your post about your conversation with your neighbor about the the gameshow gig to Mitchell. (followed by longish conversation about reason for this forward.)

Meg: Oh man, Wade has really been on a roll - just full of real gems. The other night I found him on the front porch as I was on my way to the Handimart to pick up some ice cream and he went into a tirade about organic produce. He said he didn't want his vegetables all brown and full of holes and spiderwebs and that he LOVED PESTICIDES, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

(Laura and Meg laugh hysterically.)

Earlier in conversation Laura tells me about a conference for librarians that she has been helping to organize for next year which is scheduled to be held in New Orleans. She says they've actually been receiving all these queries from people who were registered wondering if they could get their money back. No comment.

Excerpt from Wednesday Porch Conversation

Ahh, the things one learns when infirmed and hanging out with neighbors. I also missed a whole trauma-drama about a "perv" who was peeping into windows and finally got busted. Even out old neighbor knew about that one. She went to his arraignment (sp)!

Wade: Oh My God!!! You know my friend Michael.

Meg: Yes, of course, I know Michael. How is he?

Wade: He got on "You Want to be a Millionaire"!! (note: I may have this title wrong since I tend to get such things wrong and don't even get PBS in my apartment, it's some network game show though.)

Meg: Wow. We should have a party to watch him.

Wade: We should have a party to send him off!

Meg: Oh right, of course. How'd he get on?

Wade: Oh he completely had the right profile. You know the sensitive gay prison guard from Iowa thing.

Laughed so hard I actually felt better.

No Comment

From: Tsunoni
Subject: The latest wave in Weight Loss
Date: Wed, 21 Sep 2005 13:04:00 EST


Picture that was attached: bone thin, bikini-clad woman on a very stormy beach.

No comment.

Let Me Clarify on the Tomato Thing

Moody said nothing about tomatoes on NPR, just to clarify. I was only half listening to the content of his piece because I so surprised by the frenetic tenor of his voice. I shouldn't have been but I was. Anyway, my friend was using the tomato thing as an analogy it went right over my literal-minded head. I'm the girl who has decried the forces of deconstructionist theory in art, literature and culture and I seem to be losing my ability to grasp anything out of context. Oh my Goddess, I sound like.....well, you know.

Once T Breaks Through

Okay, I have signed up for Michael Manning's fan club. See previous post comment and follow the link. A primary reason is the delightfully honest counter example it provides to the faux-humility master manipulator who has captured America's attention. You got it, John "shucks who ME" Roberts.

It's been hysterical to watch all the culture vulture, media slicksters I know in Iowa City line up and follow suit. All of the sudden they're so practiced in the art of humility (isn't that a Joni Mitchell line?)it's like they've had personality transplants. Well, I hear Mr. T is making a comeback. Once Roberts is no longer making headlines and T breaks through these folks will be back to their former, it's all about me selves. Personalities don't really change all that much, only actions and only after a lot of work and, for most people, a lot of time.

On a "lighter" note, I was in the Handimart near my apartment the other night and I heard a guy talking to a friend on his cellphone while he was waiting to purchase a microwavable pizza (who'd have ever thought such a thing would be possible - wouldn't it be really soggy?). I guess he was talking to a friend about going home to visit his family for the weekend. He said, "Oh it won't be so bad, I don't have a girlfriend going with me or anything, so there's no chance I'll be totally humiliated if my father pulls a knife on somebody at the dinner table."

Oh yeah, I highly recommend Chris Merrill's Things of the Hidden Gods. It's beautiful and also much funnier than I'd anticipated.

Seems Fitting

well. sunday night. i finally banged out my column. it was a day late due which i'm chosing to forgive myself for. i also forgot andy's birthday which is another thing i'm forgiving myself for. i've had a lot on my mind.

i did a really embarassing thing. i'm having some health problems and one evening i was at the library and i started to panic about dying alone. i know a bunch of people who do this internet dating service. i actually filled out a profile and posted it. i checked it a couple of times but never responded to anyone who responded to my ad (note: it's amazing how many nibbles you get w/out so much as a snapshot.) i deleted the thing tonight. i'm praying no one i know saw it but if they did, i plead coltrane "So What". anyway, the whole affair (bad pun) has given me a rather interesting idea for an article. it's probably more complicated than it needs to be. what else is new?

anyway, i had to admit this cyber-dating thing to cyberspace. seems fitting.

well, i'm laughing at myself now. i'm off to get some ice cream.

Halliburton Profits from Katrina Victims/Damage

Halliburton gets contract to repair damage from Hurricane Katrina (HalliburtonWatch.org) 02 Sep 2005

The US Navy asked Halliburton to repair naval facilities damaged by Hurricane Katrina, the Houston Chronicle reported today. The work was assigned to Halliburton's KBR subsidiary under the Navy's $500 million CONCAP contract awarded to KBR in 2001 and renewed in 2004. The repairs will take place in Louisiana and Mississippi. In March, the former director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), which is tasked with responding to hurricane disasters, became a lobbyist for KBR.

Address to receive newsletter: http://www.legitgov.org/#subscribe_clg

Did Moody Really Say He Hates Tomatoes?

Rick Moody cracked me up with his "This I Believe" essay on Morning Edition today. As one friend noted, his intonations were so seemingly random it was a bit kooky. Leave it to an RA to get all fired up about hating tomatoes which, BTW, are one of the only real reasons to survive the hottest dregs of summer - tomato sandwiches to be more specific. Did he really say he hated tomatoes? I don't recall him saying this.

I did find it humourous that he mentioned that Umberto Eco book which talks about the "thwarted reader" I once got thrown out of a workshop for laughing so hard at (remember, I wrote about that?). What a ridiculous term. And, HEAR! HEAR! - there is, in fact, no one right way to read a book. Although that's a rather obvious "insight", isn't it?

I'm not picking on Moody, really. I liked his essay.

Say Ms. Laura this weekend. Lots of good catching up and witty banter. It's so wonderful to see dear, old friends. Hey, Brun, she got a big kick out of that baby-sitting line too and sends prayers for your health, as well. You know you always have mine.

Well, the libray is closing down.

Such a Ducky Job???

Okay, I received a really mean email today and rather than strike back, I sent the following which I'm posting because I've sent snarky emails and been the recipient, as well. There's a lesson in here. I'm posting this so I'll can try not to repeat that mistake and, also, so I'll keep trying to listen in our hurry-scurry world. Oh yeah, clearly I'm show-boating too. Didn't I do such a ducky job of taking the high road. Didn't I just admit that so now it's okay? Ain't that Meg's picture back in the big brain machine on her blog? Is she live? Is she memorex? Is this self-parady or has she really snapped her cap this time?

Nah....still got that red wheel barrow holding me firmly in the now.


context: I was told it was "stupid" to care or dwell on anyone from my past.

We learn not to repeat the same mistakes over and over, I believe, not by pretending they did not happen but staring them straight in the eye w/ as much courage as we can muster and acknowleging our own culpability. Of course, sometimes we just get screwed and need a friend to vent to. It's the later where one generally finds a truly compassionate heart - 'cause that's the hardest thing of all to do - just listen w/ out judgment.

Be well,

Meg

Great Timing Too

So last week was weird and today had a fairly rocky start but then I got the library and received a lovely quotation from my Source editor, Claudia - how many writers are that fortunate? - and an equally kind acceptance of a repayment schedule on a debt of nearly 10 years. Oh yes, my friend Andy also sent along some beautiful translations of a few Bengalai (sp?) poems he's been working on.

Saturday night I had dinner with a women who has recently moved to town from DC. We had a few things in common and a nice conversation. Both of us have worked as lobbyists in DC and grew weary of the bullshit and, frankly, how many people in Congress are just not so bright. In my case, I felt as if I become too phony, as well. Fortunately, she got out before that happened to her.

She's a big fan of Henry Waxman. I'll have to keep an eye on him. It was great timing too. I had recently had a coffee table returned to me for which I had no storage space or us and she needed a coffee table! My land lady wanted it off of the porch. Man, it's great when that happens. It was a three person swap.

Gotta go see my doc.