I'm Okay, You Might Be

stolen outright from the Weekly World News

for those of you who not hep to WWN, it's a gas. it's paradoy, dear readers. did i just spell paradoy wrong? it looks way wrong. i seem to recall a time when i could spell.....

HOW TO TELL WHAT YOUR MATE IS SAYING


EVER feel like you and your partner are speaking two different languages? That's because you are, says a leading psychiatrist.

Researcher Dr. Wilfred Winky is the author of the new book What The Heck Are You Talking About?, which sheds new light on the communication problems plaguing couples today.

Here is a sample of Winky's conclusions:

Translation of commonly used women's phrases:

•We need. = I want.
•It's your decision. = The correct decision should be obvious because I already explained it to you.
•Do what you want. = You'll pay for this later.
•This kitchen is so inconvenient. = I want a new house.
•I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you jackass.
• I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
•We have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
•Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful. Translation of commonly used men's phrases:
•I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.
• I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy.
•I'm tired. = I'm tired.
•Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
•Can I take you to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
•May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
•I love you. = Let's have sex now.
•I'm bored. = Let's have sex now.
•Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing you what a deep person I am so you will have sex with me.
•Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

Published on: 08/04/2005