Culture Shocks

Dear Meg,

I've recently moved to Iowa from Manhattan and am a fairly outspoken east-coaster. I appreciated your advice last month about being direct as I feel as if I am a Stranger in a Strange Land in my new home. I am relatively thick-skinned but I suspect it would be rude to embarrass my new prairie friends with my big city ways. Any advice?

Valentine

My Dear Valentine,

Your question reminded me of an incident 13 years ago in which I ended up on what proved to be a whale-free whale watch near Cape May, NJ. Well into the 2nd hour of our voyage my fellow passengers & I were frustrated and freezing. This was a low budget affair and the weather had turned very sour. Can you hear the theme song to Gilligan's Island here? Things being as they were I took it upon myself to climb over the railing and out onto the bow of the beat-up vessel in the wind and the rain and scurry up to the window of our oblivious captain whose door was mysteriously inaccessible from the inside of the "ship". I screamed "TURN THIS TUB AROUND!" The poor guy. Can you just imagine, Valentine? He looked up and saw a crazy woman yelling at him? I was a heroine for a brief time. My fellow travelers toasted me and fed me chocolate the whole trip back. All but one that is. My best friend, Shauna, who'd never seen a whale and on whose behalf I had originally gone on the trip in the first place. She was mortified and I had to apologize profusely and make amends for my sanctimony and ego-driven behavior.

I have no doubt that you are getting my drift here (note the bad oceanic pun). I got on my high horse and forgot about my primary purpose -- being there for my friend. In my opinion the last word on manners was published by Emily Post in 1922, "Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness you have good manners no matter what fork you use." The fact that you asked about embarrassing your new friends shows me you could permabond your dinner guests' desert spoons to their sippy cups and walk tall, sweet girl. I have no doubt you will be the belle of the Butter Cow Ball in no time.

Thanks for trusting me with your query.

Love,

Meg



Dear Meg,

I am about to go to New York City for the first time and I want to look my best. Any style tips or advice or how to make a good first impression in the big city?

Donald

My Dear Donald,

I wish I could hook you up with Valentine but we professional journalists have these silly rules about protecting people's identities. You have hit on one of my favorite topics and I am thrilled you took the time to write me. Let's go back in time for just a moment shall we?

Physical anthropologists suggest the island of Manhattan (the jelly in the donut of American Style) is the only place on earth where early Neanderthal and Cro-Magnon humans have lived at the same time. Did they pick berries for YABBA-DABBA-DOO pie, or boil them, dye loin clothes and scurry up and down the cat walk clamoring for attention? No one knows, but it is worth remarking that the Neanderthals are no longer with us and rumor has it neither Wilma nor Betty could get a Neanderthal male in a decent suit.

The basic rule of thumb in all things "style" is comfort and being true to one's self but most of us should care about the impressions we make and when we dress for others we are showing we respect them and ourselves. Now I'll let you in on a secret, Donald, I do not know a man or woman who when being truly honest with themselves is not impressed with a man in a nice suit or, at the very least, an interesting jacket and a hip pair of blue jeans. Be sure to tip well while in the big city, have fun and remember that moderation is eternally cool.

Thanks for trusting me with your query.

Love,

Meg