Meg Does Manners - Column 1

edited version published in The Iowa Source June 2004
(those folks are swell)

Dear Meg,

I just got my first cell phone. I'm confused about when and where it's okay to use the thing. Also, is it just me or do men seem to use theirs more?

Please help me out.

Margaret


My Dear Margaret,

Of course, you are confused. We all are. New technologies and their subsequent toys are often baffling but most rules of good etiquette will always apply. If you feel as if chatting on your new purchase will be bothersome or offensive to another person in any way, do not do it. This said we all experience the dreaded emergency or slip in referencing our appointment books. If, for instance, you are at a restaurant and suddenly remember that you forgot to take your cat "Bitey" to see his Behavior Modification Specialist earlier in the day and know that if you do not reschedule right away you will be double billed, for goodness sake, pick up your phone and call. These appointments can be quite costly and most friends and colleagues will be more than understanding about how temperamental our bestial "children" can be.

While investigating your question about our beloved male counterparts and the wireless phone issue, I ran across a study which may confirm your own observations. A pair of British researchers, John Lycett and Robin Dubar, of the University of Liverpool, think men are using their phones to attract women. In a report in Human Nature, they found that men with cell phones tend to put them in plain view on the bar or table as soon as they sit down. And they handle them often - not to make or receive calls, but to call attention to the fact that they have one. The more men in the pub, the more often they played with their phones. In a twist on the usual male obsession about size, smaller cell phones are considered better.

I'm not sure what to say about this except that if this is, in fact, the case it is rather adorable.

Enjoy your phone, Margaret, and remember that all rules are meant to be broken from time to time. Thank you for trusting me with your query.

Love,

Meg



Dear Meg,
Last year I saw my neighbor sneak into my garden a few times and take some herbs and vegetables. I don't mind sharing but I wish she would just ask for them, what should I do?

John

My Dear John,

Being tolerant is certainly a sign of good manners but we all have to draw the line somewhere, preferably not in our arugala beds but if the sprout springs - spear it.

I can abide most things but this sort of horticultural thievery is patently unacceptable. You are no doubt a testament to restraint and dignity for having sat idly by last year without downing a six pack of tallboys and pulling out a Glock 22 on your hopefully desperately hungry neighbor. Other "experts" might suggest placing a small note on a watering stick at your property line asking for restraint. One which testifies to your hours of toil and the no doubt huge expense of sunscreen and knee pads. I, however, would urge you to be direct. Simply pay a visit to your neighbor, invite her over for tea and gently confront her about her behavior. You might discover she is actually quite charming and in need of a little companionship. Perhaps she would like to help you in the garden. She may have a few tallboys in the fridge if that's your bag, just beware of any Glocks, John. Violence is definitely bad manners.

Thanks for trusting me with your query.

Love,

Meg