June Manners

Look for the latest issue June 4 - The Iowa Source - now in its 22nd year.

Dear Meg,

My roommate broke up with her fiancé two months ago. He was cheating on her with a woman who looks just like me. Since they split, she's projecting all her jealousy and anger onto me. She gives me freaky looks, storms out of the living room when I come home and is slamming doors all the time. I keep trying to get her talk to me but she won’t. We've been friends a long time, Meg, and I really want to work it out but the stress is killing me. What would you suggest?

Cheryl

Dear Cheryl,

Phew. That does sound like a stressful situation. I'm glad you know your roommate's behavior is about what's going on with her and has nothing to do with you. Being understanding with your friend is a testament to your patience and integrity but this doesn't mean you have to be a victim of someone else's erratic emotions.

Hey, there's this new product on the market called "TV-B-GONE" that turns off televisions by remote control if they are being played too loudly or are constantly substituting for healthy human interaction in social situations. Are you electronically inclined? Perhaps a "ROOMMATE-B-GONE" is in order and this could be your ticket to a life of luxury and living alone.

When I first moved to Iowa, I was sharing an apartment with a woman who was consumed with jealousy and envy. I didn't get it at all. She was competent, beautiful and extremely talented but for some reason I pushed her buttons. After months of passive-aggressive behavior, I finally forced her to sit down and discuss this directly. We decided our dwelling arrangement was not going to work out but I wanted to try and get along until one of us could find another place to live. I asked her if we could, at the bare minimum, be kind to one another during this transition. She stared at me in a "freaky" way for about 2 minutes and then responded that "it was not [her] job to be kind to me." Well, I knew my goose was cooked. She had a few too many sessions of what I consider to be Uber therapy (i.e. her rights and feelings were the only ones that mattered and she had no part in any suffering her own behavior caused others).

I got out of there fast, Cheryl. I have no way of knowing if moving is the best strategy for you, of course. I feel badly for your roommate. Breakups can be devastating but it is hardly your fault that you resemble the woman her fiancé fooled around with. There's a faulty logic to your friend's projection akin to Republican "blame the victim" mentality. It was the fiancé who was disloyal to your roommate, not the other woman and certainly not you. Give her a few more opportunities to discuss the situation with you. If she refuses, you've done all you can, so go pick up a copy of the Clash's Combat Rock and play track 3 ("Should I Stay or Should I Go") loudly and repeatedly. This ought to give her a hint and in the process an answer may present itself to you. Be Peace?

Love,
Meg

Dear Meg,
All my fraternity brothers got tattoos this year. I think I'm going to do it this summer. Do you know anything about this? I don't want to look dumb when I go.
Steve

Dear Steve,

Yep. I know a bit about the world of ink but artists and shops have their own rules and expectations. The main thing to know is that you are going into a business for a service and the person you will be consulting with is an artist, so be subsequently respectful, okay? Just because someone chooses to live or work outside the mainstream does not mean they aren’t serious about what they do or are not productive members of the community.

The first thing you need to do is talk to someone who has body work you admire and ask them where it was done and who did it. This lessens the odds of running into the dreaded "scratcher" - the untalented tattooist who gives all the best artists a bad name and who will leave you with a permanently bad piece of ink.

After finding a shop with a good rep, receiving a consultation and choosing your art -you will be quoted a price and that's the price. Do not try and talk them down. Also, understand that having a needle gun depositing ink under the top layer of your skin isn't generally considered a pleasant experience unless you're the Governor of California. You've decided to do this of your own free will, so don't cry, whine of complain if it's painful. When the gun draws the border, that's called the "ouchline" and is often the worst part, so just grin and bear it. BTW, Disney characters are way uncool.

Love,
Meg