Mid-Winter Manners

Here's Your Sneak Preview, Gentle and Not-So-Gentle Readers
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Dear Meg,

I was at a book signing a few weeks ago and talked briefly with this very stunning woman. I never believed in such things before but when I saw her I felt as if it were love at first sight. Should I contact her? Do you believe in such things? I thought I'd given up on this stuff.

Alberta

My Dear Alberta,

I certainly believe in love at first bite which can be a bit painful and require a few stitches, not to mention an outlandish hospital bill, so I suppose love at first sight is a distinct possibility. An old friend of mine who met the woman of his dreams a few years back while facilitating a writing workshop for Gulf War Veterans told me when he first heard her he felt like he had been struck upside the head, as if by a frying pan. Both were in their mid 40's at the time and now seem to be living happily ever after so, in fact, maybe good things do come to people who wait. So, yes, go ahead and contact this "stunning" woman. What have you got to lose? Valentine's Day is just around the corner and it is as good a time as any to tempt the wheels of fate be they finicky, fickle or, perhaps, absolutely fabulous. As long as you understand that even the best of people can let you down in small and sometimes extremely major ways (yikes, sometimes they even die!), you are set to handle whatever response you receive.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, Alberta. I pretend to be a cynical girl but the truth is, I'm one of the last of the true romantics. If this woman says yes to you, bring her flowers and candy and be sure not to just talk AT her. Good manners require that you be a good and responsive listener. Happy "V" day and good luck.

Love,

Meg


Dear Meg,

My job requires that I travel quite frequently. Lately I've noticed a real decline in common courtesy and what I would call basic decency of my fellow journeyman, most notably on airplanes. Do you have any tips or advice on how I can deal with overly snarly and incredibly selfish people? I'd really appreciate your help. Thanks.

Carlos

My Dear Carlos,

Wow is this ever a hot topic. More and more airlines are fighting for survival by dropping fares, attempting to pack in more seating and cutting back on labor. As this is happening, all of us who fly the once friendlier skies are beginning to fray around the edges. I wish I could say I were an exception but this would be untrue. The important thing to remember is that we are all, for the most part, in the same boat. Okay, it is a boat that is often cruising at an altitude of about 30,000 feet but if the saying fits use or abuse it (wink). I'll share an experience I had a few weeks ago with you, Carlos, in hopes that it is of some help.

I was flying home from visiting my mother in California and found myself stuck in one of those cattle car seats that affords one about 1.3 cm of leg room. Usually, I get to the airport early and request emergency row seating as thay have extra stretch room. I'm a tall woman and tend to be Johnny-on-the-Spot in a crisis so I'm good as an emergency aisle seatee. Why just recently I had to resist the urge to attend an auction that was putting an old ambulance up for bid even though a part of me was convinced the thing was, in fact, my dream car. Anyway, I did not arrive at the airport in time to secure my desired crises-are-us arrangements and was wedged in with the rest of my fellow sufferers.

As soon as the captain announced it was okay to unfasten our seatbelts, the guy seated directly ahead of me immediately reclined his "chair." Actually, he did not recline it, he jettisoned it. I was tired, had a headache and was offended by his cluelessness. I wanted to scream at him or kick the back of the seat that was now in my lap. Instead I counted to 10 and took a couple of deep breaths. I realized that there was a good chance he did not know that modern rules of travel etiquette suggest when one is flying coach, it is considered good form to ask the person seated behind you whether or not they would be inconvenienced if you choose to recline your seat back for the remainder of the flight.

After collecting myself, I choose to accept the inevitable discomfort of the situation and be grateful that I was able to travel at all. This is to say that my best advice is to be a good example. Making yourself aware of what the most courteous and respectful behaviour is and doing it almost always pays off in the long run. It seems to me you are doing a good job of this already, Carlos. It has been my sad experience that some folks are so clueless and self-centered they are not even aware of the fact that others are being behaving badly, least of all themselves. Keeping fighting the good fight -- in a non-confrontational manner that is.

Love,

Meg