What Her Secret Was

So I haven't had time to post in a while, at least it seems as if it has been a while. I've been pretty busy. Everyone I know has been busier than they'd prefer but still a few of us have found the time to check in with one another and express concern and offer support. That's the bee's knees. I was having coffee last Fall with a woman who was experimenting with online dating (that concept gives me the willies - I'm a former stalkee &, therefore, fairly cautious) and had once been Annie Dillard's "serf". The Dillard story was a hoot. I wish it were mine to tell. Anyway, as the others in the group were listening to the mind-boggling amount of utter bullshit this plucky gal had been privy to recently, we inquired what her secret was. She reminded us of what we should not have needed any reminder of, one of the oldest and most important spiritual principles in the world, she loves them first & she keeps on loving them.

Jeez Louise I am no saint. I screw up on things all the time but I do try to practice this. Lately I tend to get pretty irritated and tempted to indulge in self-pity because I can't go anywhere without stumbling across pictures and articles about a man I once had a "secret" & very inebriated (sp?) liaison with who is wildly successful and considered insanely sexy. I don't begrudge him his success and I hope he really has cleaned up his life. It's just hard to know he's so friggin' "hot" and I rarely even get asked out and am not exactly "flush". Well, life is not fair (blah, blah, blah.) That one I get. I kind of wish I were more of a dirtbag. If I were, I would write about the liaison and sell it for the money. Having a conscience does not always pay.

Until a few years ago, I never even told anyone about my time with that dude. I kept my word. I tend to do that. Does anyone know that, I wonder. Time tends to sort things out and tell the truth. More is always revealed. That's a good thing.

One of the conceptss I've been learning recently is that the principle about loving them first also applies to ourselves. I've been especially happy recently because I have been allowing myself to have fun and letting myself enjoy things. I have a friend who is quite psychic. She called me and told me she had been praying and that she really felt as if that was all my father ultimately wanted for me ~ to be happy. Thanks, Dad. I think it's happening.