Be sure to pick up The Iowa Source at your favorite Coffee shop, book seller, gallery or grocer; or go online to http://www.iowasource.com where you can archive my column and check out a couple of my food articles! In its 21st year at the beginning of the 21st century, TIC has one of the kindest editor's I've ever written for.
Dear Meg,
My friend, Tom, has a new girlfriend who's a hardcore vegan. Tom used to come over for dinner often, but now I'm afraid to invite him with his girlie because I'm not a big vegan chef or anything. Do I have to cook a special vegan meal for her, in order to invite him/them over? I miss seeing Tom and would like to get to know his new flame. Help?
Laurel
Dear Laurel,
Help? Sure thing, just as long as I don't get stuck doing the dishes - smile. This is not an uncommon predicament these days with so many people on special diets. Having a few friends over for dinner and coming up with a menu that will satisfy everyone can feel so overwhelming, a lot of folks decide to skip the whole shebang and just go out to a nice restaurant. Not a bad option as options go, but the cost of this can add up pretty quickly especially if you subscribe to the old manners dictum that when you do the inviting it's your responsibility to offer to pick up the check. I think this rule is lovely in theory but is dependent upon the circumstances.
My advice is to go ahead and prepare whatever meal you might normally whip up for an evening with Tom making sure you have some kind of whole grain and some nice steamed or sauteed veggies to serve. Most vegans are more than happy to be accommodated in this fashion. Heck, they're often thrilled not to be desperately searching through someone's cupboards for saltines, canned corn or an old jar of pimentos. If you choose the grain & veggie route, you are being considerate without going overboard and taxing yourself needlessly.
Hmmm, am I nuts or would a saltine topped with corn and a dollop of pimento not make a fairly rockin' ad hoc appetizer? Maybe a little garlic and fresh thyme? I'm thinking late 50's suburban hip with a splash of nuevo-cuisine and the enviro-friendly consciousness of vegan-ism would make one heck of a great 21st century dinner party.
Hey, Laurel, one last thing on your question. Last Thanksgiving, Dave Burt, one of the owners of Iowa City's only all organic vegetarian restaurant, the Red Avocado, made a point in an interview that I quite liked. He noted that some vegetarians and vegans are well-mannered enough that when dining at another’s home they eat a little of everything - meat, dairy or whatever - because not to do so would be an insult to their host or hostess. Nice point on the dangers of being overly rigid about anything and acknowledging that courtesy is a two-way street between hosts and those being hosted.
I can't wait to hear how the dinner goes and what you think about Tom's new "girlie". Thanks for writing.
Love,
Meg
Dear Meg,
I've been married for 7 years and my wife just joined one of those hyper-strict evangelical fundamentalist churches. All of a sudden she has gotten really preachy on me, expects me to go with her to church and stop hanging out with my buddies from work. I think her church is just weird. They play with snakes, speak in tongues and do all kinds of stuff that kind of freaks me out. To top it off, I'm desperately afraid of snakes. Plus, I'm a Jew. I love my wife but I'm stumped. What should I do?
Abe
Dear Abe,
Hey, it takes a mighty big man to admit a fear of snakes. I'm impressed. Your wife's new church sounds fascinating to me but I've never found snakes all that terrifying. Now millipedes, on the other hand, those little buggers will send me running to the bathroom and crying like a baby for my mother everytime. I hate to kill anything but I've been known to smack a rolled up copy of Bust on one of those hagazoids with little remorse.
Any chance you could attend church with your beloved and view the journey as a kind of sociological experiment or an experience of what philosopher William James referred to as the "educational variety"? You never know what you might find there and it would be good manners to humor your wife a bit.
It's difficult when someone we care about gets all caught up in something we find kooky but it is wrong of her to expect you to stop hanging out with your old friends and adjust to her new beliefs and standards. That's the problem with evangelicalism in any arena. It's fundamentally (!) rude to attempt to force anyone to change their behavior unwillingly. I'll be cc-ing this reply to the White House, BTW.
There are many happy couples in the world who practice different faiths or one is a believer and one is not. The bottom line is respect and acceptance, Abe. Hopefully, if you don't end up being "down" with your wife's new church, she will stop trying to convert you. If not, it sounds as if she is in some sort of cult and I'm not qualified to counsel you on this. Love and tolerance ought to be the code of any decent faith-based organization. Feel free to quote me on that. In the meantime, watch out for those snakes. Both Jung and Freud had some interesting theories on that fear.
Best of luck,
Meg
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