I Modified Andy Warhol

Most of the long term unemployed people I know have just given up the job search or decided to take the summer off. When people ask me what I do, I've begun to tell them I'm retired. It's much better than having anyone be impressed with the fact that I'm a writer, an exceptionally difficult and extremely competitive way to earn a living. As one friend slyly noted the world o' writing is "a small, muddy pond with too many animals trying to lap something from it." 

The "I'm retired" line has another benefit. If you share with someone you are looking for work they tend to be full of helpful suggestions which are generally anything but. It's not as if you don't realize these amateur social workers aren't well meaning but how often can you nod your head graciously at what are essentially the same five ideas? Before I took to claiming early retirement, I modified Andy Warhol's famous line as a coping mechanism for dealing with this phenomena. I would smile and nod, saying "Gee, that's a terrific idea." Then I would excuse myself ASAP from the conversation.

I did try to get some work cleaning apartments at the end of the month but by the time I got there they already had 4 million applications. Good grief. I'm still making a little money doing some research gigs at UIHC which is almost fun. I'm thinking about writing an article about my experiences as a professional research monkey. The neurologist who "tested" me yesterday was quite a cutie. I've decided to consider some of these sessions "dates" if the men are at all appealing. After you call and express interest, they call you back and arrange a time that's convenient for you and it's their job to make you as comfortable as possible. What more could a girl want? I suppose, one could see this as a form of prostitution in that I end up getting paid but why shouldn't a gal place value on her time. It's not like the boy is not getting something out of it. It's a mutually beneficial experience.  Who says you can't mix business with pleasure?