It's What You Save

This one started out innocently enough. Hell, they all do. It was hot outside and I was hungry. They keep them in a deep freezer in the aisle you must traverse on the way to the cash register. AND, they've been on sale all summer. As my mother and I used to joke whenever we were out spending my father's money, "It's not what you spend, it's what you save."  Now I'm in deep. I have cravings, I'm been coming in over budget for the past two months and when I attempt to abstain I get all edgy and nervous.  I suppose I could blame John's Groceries for my new dependence/addiction to Edy's frozen fruit bars but I know damn well I have to take responsibility for this thing and not blame anything or anybody else.

The aspect of this that disappoints me most is how easily I fell for their painfully obvious marketing ploy. After I'd graduated from buying just one box at a time to two (who needs to the extra walk, for God's sake), the woman at the register offered up a coupon which rewarded me for this sensible take-no-extra-steps decision.  Aha!  I've saved even more money this time.  Well,  the third time I dash in for my gourmet treats, the register spits out yet a new incentive.....next time up at bat I will save a dollar if I purchase three packages.  So, sure enough, I stagger back in and pick up three, feeling rather cocky about being such a smart shopper.  I'm receiving some nutritional benefit to all this madness in that I have to eat several boxes of frozen spinach that have been taking up room in my freezer in order to make room for the popsicles.

This next "chapter" sounds preposterous but is, in fact, true.  The last coupon I received offered me the same savings of one dollar for the purchase of five boxes.  I read it and stood there wondering if my neighbors would be offended if I asked for spare room in their freezers.  I considered the consequences of suggesting my landlady put a household deep freezer in the basement of our house.   I speculated on which of the residents in my 4-plex might be trustworthy enough to hold my booty in the hypothetical deepfreeze or in their own freezers (stored there at my behest, but why share?!).  I couldn't help but flash on those anti-drugs ads from the 80's and early 90's.  You'd see a Willy Horton-esque dude hanging around an upscale playground offering free drugs to all white sixth graders through a chain-linked fence at recess. The implication being that the evil bad black man with the afro pic in his back pocket would return charging more and more until the poor surburban kid was hooked and his life forever ruined.  I imagined myself  and the absurdity of walking home with five, then seven, then nine and eventually eleven boxes of Edy's frozen fruit bars.

It was not a pretty picture but it kinda cracked me up.  I've been fruit bar free for three days now and I'm staying away from John's. It's the best I can do.  I'm already over budget for the month and if I'm going to blow money, I'd rather spend it on decent coffee or a book every once and a while.  Despite how much fun I had shopping w/ my mother, I have learned the hard way it's not what I save, it's what I spend, darn it.